So I just saw Donald Glover tonight. And initial thought was that he was hilarious. Donald Glover is known primarily as Troy on Community, but I've seen some of his stand-up and this did not disappoint. So here are just a couple of paraphrases of some of the best jokes I heard.
Everything is "no homo" until you say "no homo".
Shaft has no powers and it would be awesome if Michael Cera was Shaft.
Shaft juice sounds a lot like semen.
People don't change. So if you're a woman who doesn't give BJs, be ready to have a lot of cats and Twilight books because you're going to die alone.
Charlie Sheen is the only person who can say the N-word without any problems because he hates so much that he becomes colorblind.
"Niglet" is the black version of "Piglet". And there is already a sign for "Niglet" in sign language.
Filipinos are the black people of Asia and Armenians are the black people of Caucasia.
Reggie Bush "stole" Donald Glover's glasses for $100, and was wearing them when he cheated on Kim Kardashian.
Donald Glover used that $100 to get a lap dance.
People should have expected Tiger Woods to cheat on his wife unless his wife's vagina was the Tiger Woods of all vagina.
Donald Glover got punched in the face by a homeless man.
Babies are like AIDS. You're stuck with them forever and you can pretty much only date other people who have them. The difference is you can't go to jail for dropping AIDS on its head.
Home Depot, not University of Chicago, is where fun comes to die.
"Muppet Babies" and "TMNT" are really screwed up.
Don't actually take a dump in a Home Depot toilet.
Also for you Community fans, I have news. Richard Ayoade is going to be directing an episode of Community and this episode will be an homage to a movie. In order to maintain innocence, I will speak cryptically now. This movie was directed by a "cutie". So
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